‘But that’s okay; we’re all stories in the end. Just make it a good one eh? Because it was you know, it was the best. A daft old man who stole a magic box and ran away.’
I am spineless. I have no backbone. I’ve seen more spine in a Jellyfish, than I ever have, or ever will in myself. I am phytoplankton. I live on the top of the ocean waters because I am too filthy, too spineless to even live in Bikini Bottom. The sun is my source of food. I’ve never tasted anything. I’ve never attacked a small innocent creature like a Great White Shark. I’m not clever enough. I watch as a seal swims around, happy, care-free. He goes up for air, and he never comes back again. Sometimes I’ve been lucky enough to get blood in my eyes. It stings. But at-least I’m feeling something. I can’t move. I have no friends. Except for all of the other phytoplankton, I can’t consider them though, for we have no mouths. Though, can’t mouth-less things be friends too? No one notices plankton. I’m not important. I go where the ocean waters take me. I can only watch as I pass life by.. As life passes me by. And all of the other plankton watch me as I watch everything else. They gave up. Every plankton does, I watch as they are formed and become part of our sad little world. They had wide eyes full of excitement then as days passed, as many sea creatures passed, those eyes became full of grief and if a phytoplankton could cry, they would cry. So, all of the other phytoplankton turn back to the glorious sun. Or, if they get bored, they turn to me. I’m sure if they had mouths they would say rude things to me, such as, “You mindless little fuck, why do you even try? You know that you will never be like them. You are stupid. Un-significant.” .. Or maybe those are my own thoughts. I wouldn’t doubt it, it’s all true. I will never be a clown-fish, with bright white strips. I will never be a whale, big, and magnificent and gentle and kind. I can only feel the happiness, the sadness, the fear, the determination of these creatures as they pass me by. I wonder if they ever feel down about themselves like I do. I wonder if they are depressed, they shouldn’t be. They are so lucky. And they don’t even know it. They have lives, they can move, they can communicate in some way. They can eat actual things. They have real eyes. Real minds. What even am I? I know that I support most of the oxygen for this world. No-one appreciates me though. Not even I do. I have heard tells from birds from times that I have been near docks about how humans embrace, and love flowers, flowers always support oxygen. Some humans even give others flowers as something they call ‘gifts’ ways to show ‘affection’.. Whatever that is.. If that’s true, why aren’t I being carried from the ocean and given to another human being? Because I am phytoplankton. I am one of the most important things in this world. But no one cares about me, because they can’t see us. They don’t know us. Sometimes my kind gets stuck on boats and they die a slow, painful death. The birds also said that when a human dies, people love them even more. Why don’t they love us? Why do I not love myself? I’m the only organism that ever will. But I don’t. I am a phytoplankton, I’m here to help others but I don’t get any help myself. Seems fair, does it not? It doesn’t matter, my kind, we’re slowing dying, as the ocean waters get warmer. I don’t even care. I know that when we are all gone soon all of these maginifcent creatures will too, and all the humans.. Even though they don’t care about me, I care about them, because I envy them. All my life I’ve wanted to be them, they are lucky. They breathe, through lungs, or through gills. It’s all the same, they would given this amazing gift of life. A real life. I wouldn’t take that away from them, I would rather stay a phytoplankton, not breathing, not eating, not talking, here on the ocean waters, for the rest of my days, then to take away this gift of life they have received. So, maybe i’m not that un-important after all.. I’m the reason they’re alive, they’re happy, they’re healthy. Even if they don’t appreciate it. I remember once I was closer to the surface than I ever have been, I was on an anchor, of a big ship. I went all the way up into the sky, I’ve never felt more alive. While I was there, I saw two humans talking very loudly.. And somewhat angrily.. When one said something I didn’t understand not until now, “You need to love yourself before you are able to love someone else.” He was right.
: First thing I’ve wrote in.. Forever. I’m sorry, it sucks. Especially the ending, I wasn’t sure on how to end it…
it’s you I want to go on seeing:
of everything I’ve touched,
it’s your flesh I want to go on touching.
I love your orange laughter.
I am moved by the sight of you sleeping.
What am I to do, love, loved one?
I don’t know how others love
or how people loved in the past.
I live, watching you, loving you.
Being in love is my nature.